As a father raising a two year old son, I sometimes feel that I need to prepare Mason for real life. Now, obviously, he is a little too young to be teaching him small engine repair…or how to drive the tractor…or how to restrain yourself from cursing a blue streak across the yard after dropping a cinder block on your foot, but, in my humble opinion, it is never too late to teach him not to panic when something bad happens.
Like many kids, Mason loves to play outside during the day…or night…or whenever he feels the time is right and has a clear line of sight to the door. That kid is a quick one. Anyway, being the middle of winter with wind chills often below zero, the number of days that he is allowed to play outside are limited. So, one evening, Laura bundled Mason up in his snow pants, coat, snow boots, hat and mittens. I’m impressed he could even move looking like the Michelin Man and all.
Laura goes out to supervise and occasionally act as the power to his little blue sled (since we have no hills nearby). They were outside long enough for Mason’s cheeks and nose to turn a nice rosy red.
After having run up and down the driveway several times pulling a 35 pound child on a sled, Laura decided to walk back to the house. Mason, now seeing that mom was no longer able to give chase, made a run for it. He heads up towards the barn, is gone for a little bit, and comes back without his hat and gloves. So, after a long sigh, Laura goes looking for his lost articles. When she gets back to the house, Mason is standing in the driveway, white as a ghost, staring at his hand. As Laura approaches, she saw a little blood on his middle finger about the same time Mason did…at which point, he starts flailing his hand around. It kinda looked like one of the Funniest Home Video clips when an unsuspecting women has a large spider land on her arm…lots of screaming and flailing.
Once Laura got Mason settled down, took him inside to see how bad the cut was. Fortunately, nothing serious, it looked like a paper cut just deep enough to draw blood. But to Mason, his finger had been nearly cleaved off requiring THREE band-aids! One plain brown to cover the cut, and two Sesame Street to hide the first one.
I can see that I am going to have to work with him a little bit about not panicking when he sees blood. He IS a two year old boy after all, and if my childhood is any indication as to what to expect for hospital visits, he is going to have to get past this fear. I am sure he will have an opportunity to see me do something stupid, requiring me to get stitches in the near future. What can I say, I’m accident prone. Of course, Laura calls it “making poor decisions”, but I’m not here to split hairs. We can simply use that opportunity as a “teachable moment”.
Mason loves to throw things in the house. Unfortunately, I have no one to blame but myself. I MAY have indirectly taught him how. Oops. Anyway, I think that we have finally gotten him to stop throwing hard things like Hotwheel cars and various other toys. He got in trouble after one of his John Deere tractors bounced off the TV screen and again after I got smashed in the face with a small plastic CAT bulldozer.
We are now working on getting the throwing of soft stuff stopped. That task is a little more difficult since it is funny to see Monkey fly through my line of sight doing cartwheels. The scolding does not mean as much coming from someone chuckling. However, I think after a recent unfortunate incident involving Monkey, we will probably not see Monkey acting as a crash test dummy anymore.
I was, as usual, at work when this all went down but I was emailed pictures. I had to laugh to myself quietly at my desk. Apparently, Laura was in the kitchen when she heard Mason start a series of panicked screams. As she rushed to the living room, she was overcome with laughter. Mason was standing in the middle of the room under the ceiling fan with both hands covering his mouth screaming, crying, and looking up. There it was…Monkey…hanging from the pull cord on the ceiling fan. Apparently, Mason had been tossing Monkey in the air when it got stuck.
Realizing that Mason wasn’t hurt and finding the whole incident rather humorous,
Laura went and grabbed her camera. By the time she got back, Mason had crawled up on the table to rescue Monkey from his predicament. However, the rescue attempt did not go well being that Mason was still a little panicked. So, like any good parent, Laura took a few more pictures and got Monkey down. Mason cried for a good ten minutes and would NOT let Monkey out of his arms.
I have a feeling that Monkey’s wings have been clipped!
Tags: Monkey
Last night, Laura fixed a wonderful fried chicken supper. Of course, I got the easy job of mashing the potatoes. I know that if I screw up bad enough the first time doing something, like perhaps making charcoal instead of fried chicken, I will forever be put in charge of the simplistic, i.e. mashing potatoes. Some may call it being inept at cooking, I call it a strategy. Screw it up bad enough the first time and never be asked to do it again. I consider the smoke detector going off a job well done. And yes, I know Laura is going to roll her eyes when she reads this.
Anyway, after we were done eating, we cleaned up the table and scraped the chicken bones into the trashcan. Sometime during the night, Hyde, one of our Miniature Pinchers decided to get up and help himself to some chicken. Fortunately, he did not eat the bones themselves, but did manage to get all the meat and cartilage off each and every one. He even broke several of them open and licked out all the bone marrow. When I got up this morning, there was trash and chicken bones scattered all over the kitchen floor. Huh, this is not going to turn out well.
After getting home from work, I walk through the dining room headed for my easy chair when I notice a bad smell. I asked Laura what that smell was. I should have just kept my mouth shut! After listening to her story, I was really glad that I did not have to experience it firsthand. This is the story as Laura tells it to me:
"I was standing in the kitchen doing dishes when Mason came up to me and tapped me on the hip. I look down and ask ‘what do you need Mason?’ His reply was with a hand over his mouth and a finger pointed at the dining room: “EEEEWWWWWW”. I was thinking, great, what did he spill now? As I walk into the dining room I can hear Mason standing right behind me saying “EEEEWWWWWW” over and over again. Then it hit me…a horrid smell! What on earth is that! Mason walks around the table with his hand over his mouth and nose, points to the floor and says, “EEEEWWWWWW”. Hyde had an accident. But not just any accident, he had…explosive “the most disgusting @$*% I have ever cleaned up in my LIFE!!!!” diarrhea! So much crap from such a little dog!"
Let me interrupt her story for a sec to add that I have seen her clean up some terribly nasty stuff in the almost ten years we have been married with not even a bat of the eye. So I was rather surprised to hear her reaction to a simple accident from our little dog. Anyway…
"Armed with a full roll of paper towels, I start cleaning up Hyde’s mess. I look over to see Mason standing next to the table dry heaving which quickly turned into gagging, which I learned is contagious. Here I am, the one cleaning up this pile of nasty and Mason is the one having trouble keeping down his lunch! He would cover his mouth and gag, his eyes welling up with tears, his face turning red and little veins popping out of his neck and forehead. Of course, instead of walking into another room, he just stood there gagging, over and over again. It was so disgusting!"
I am thinking that we learned one thing from this experience, NEVER feed Hyde fried chicken!
Hello and welcome to the first annual Toy Car 200. My name is Austin and I will be your announcer for this exciting event. It’s a gorgeous day here at Grandma’s Kitchen Race Track. The sun is shining and it is a wonderful 70 degrees track side. This 25 foot oval is fast and can be treacherous for the less experienced drivers. Focus and concentration are keys to winning this race. There is a large field of cars entered for the race so there will be a lot of great racing. I can see crews starting to push cars towards the pits in preparation for the green flag. Let’s go track side with Laura to talk with some drivers.
Thanks Austin! The excitement down here is very high. Pit crews have been making adjustments to the cars due to the large rain storm last night that mopped the track clean. I’m standing here with the pole winner Mason who recorded a record qualifying time! Mason, it must be exciting to have beaten the old track record?
“Vrooom”
Yes, your time was very impressive. However, the rain last night has definitely changed track conditions. Do you anticipate that you can continue your record breaking lap times?
“Ya”
Is your crew making any adjustments to your car to handle the clean track?
“No”
Well, good luck today Mason!
Austin, as you can see, Mason is confident that he has the fastest car today and will not be making any changes to compensate for track conditions.
I am now standing next to Monkey who had the second fastest qualifying time. Monkey, I know you are not a driver of many words, but, what is your strategy for winning this race knowing that Mason posted the fastest qualifying time?
“…”
I see, well, umm…
Austin, we seem to have a driver disagreement down here. Mason just walked over to Monkey and started yelling at him. Monkey is showing a great deal of restraint and isn’t saying a word back. Mason has now picked Monkey up and … OH NO…Mason just THREW Monkey across the track!! This is a clear violation of track rules! Normally, violence on the track results in immediate ejection of both drivers, but race officials seem not to have noticed.
Things seemingly have calmed down now. Mason has gone over and helped Monkey back to his car. We are about ready to start, so I will send it back to you Austin.
Thanks Laura. Seems like there is some high emotion on the track today. Hopefully, this will translate into a lot great racing! Everyone, please rise and remove your hats for the singing of our National Anthem.
That was wonderful. Let’s give a big applause for Grandma who will now say those four infamous words in racing:
“Gentlemen, START YOUR ENGINES!”
Wow, listen to the roar! Pure horsepower. The pace car has now entered the track and is letting the field get lined up. One more lap and the green flag will fly.
“BOOGETY, BOOGETY, BOOGEY BOYS! Let’s go racing!!!”
Ten laps in and the field has really been scrambled. Monkey has a sizable lead over Mason who has dropped to third place. Pit crews are preparing for the first pit stop which will be coming up at about lap 15. Fuel economy is going to play a big factor in…
Oh No! Monkey has brushed the wall and is wildly out of control! He is sliding sideways, sending up a LOT of smoke that is going to make it hard for the other drivers to see. He has finally come to a stop against the wall but with all the blinding smoke, second place has slowed way down and gone to the bottom of the track to avoid hitting Monkey. Mason is coming up fast! He does not even appear to be slowing down! The smoke is so thick; I cannot see what’s going on. Mason has just come out of the smoke, his car rolling over and over again!! He must have made contact with Monkey! What a horrendous wreck! I can see the emergency crews flooding the track before Mason’s car has even stopped moving.
Mason has been rushed to the track side Mom Care Center. Looks like he was crying pretty hard. But with a crash of that magnitude, who can blame him. I am being told that he may require stitches; the medic can’t get a good enough look at his injuries to make a determination yet. We will just have to wait and see.
While we are waiting, let’s take a look at the replay from the in car camera. Looks like Mason headed into the smoke at full speed and went high to miss the car at the bottom of the track. Unfortunately, that’s where Monkey’s car was. Mason turned hard left in a last ditch effort to miss Monkey, but it was too late. It appears that as the two cars collided, Mason flew forward hitting his chin on the dash. Ouch! At this point you can see him getting thrashed around as the car flips over an
d over. What a horrible accident!
The medic has just informed me that Mason bit through the inside of his lower lip. He will not need stitches and the bleeding has stopped, but his lip will be sore for several days. He considers himself very lucky and thanks his fans for their support.
Race officials have decided to call the race on account of tears.
This concludes our coverage of the Toy Car 200. From the broadcast crew, Laura and myself, thanks for watching and we look forward to seeing you again!
As I mentioned in my last post, Laura and I have two Christmases, one with my parents and one with her parents. This year at her parents did not go as either one of us expected. As it turned out, the weather worked against us.
The week of Christmas, Laura and I had planned on heading south after I got off work Wednesday. We were going to stay with my Grandpa, have Christmas at her parents house, stay a couple days and come home. Well, it started raining Wednesday, which should have been a sign to me in the first place. Rain…December…not good. On my drive home from work, the rain started freezing on everything. We ultimately decided to wait until Thursday morning to leave so I would not have to drive in freezing rain in the dark, with a wife and kid. Oh what a mistake THAT turned out to be.
Thursday morning seemed to be better, just misting. We got all packed in the truck about 10:00, no thanks to Mason helping us unpack the suitcase several times. The trip is only about 190 miles and usually takes anywhere from 3 to 4 hours depending on who’s driving…I tend to take a little longer since I can at least read the speed limit signs as they whizz by. Anyway, the farther west we head, the harder it starts to rain, then freezing rain, then…holy crap the road is a skating rink!! Time for four wheel drive! Yes, I know that doesn’t do much good on ice, but it’s a new truck and I like playing with all the toys. We end up crawling along at 35 mph. Laura suggests we turn around and go back home. I knew exactly what she was really trying to tell me, “Yes honey, if we miss having Christmas with my parents, I will use it against you over and over again for YEARS!!” I replied, “we will drive out of the freezing rain stuff in a little while, then smooth sailing”. Just then, I could hear Murphy’s law kicking into full gear. Oops, I’m probably going to regret saying that. I could have really used a piece of wood to knock on right then.
As we head south, it starts to snow. Then snow harder…and harder…and harder. Oh, did I mention that the wind has picked up to about 45 mph gusts. Yeah, it did not take long for the road to turn into a ski slope. White out conditions, and not being able to discern the road from the ditch, apparently makes Laura very uncomfortable because she suggested that we stop at her sisters house (which is about halfway) and wait out the storm. I, of course, say “Nah, we are halfway there now, might as well keep going”. After a little arguing, I realized ‘hey, I’m the one driving’. About an hour later, I was wishing we had stopped at her sisters. Not that I would ever admit that to Laura. I could not see anything, it was snowing and blowing so hard. I especially had a hard time seeing the WHITE CARS driving WITHOUT THEIR HEADLIGHTS ON! Sorry about that outburst, let me push my soapbox out of the way.
My Grandpa lives out in the country in the middle of nowhere. So Laura and I stopped in town first to get groceries. We figured we would be snowed in a day or so. As we head out of town, we came across some rather significant drifts forming across the road. Old hat for me. Drifts are usually fun to drive through, but these seemed to be especially big and solid. They turned out not to be that easy to plow through. We had to get off the main road on to several miles of gravel to get to Grandpa’s house and they were drifted worse than the paved roads. It is now starting to get dark and the headlights are reflecting off the blowing snow making it even harder to see. We finally pull into his driveway and it is blowing so hard I cannot see anything. His driveway is gravel and splits into two to go around a utility pole then opens up into a large gravel area. Since I could not see anything, including the utility pole, I know I would miss it if I went straight. So as I hit a drift I couldn’t see, I mash the accelerator to try and push through it. Nope. The truck just stops. Reverse…no good. I open my door only to see that the truck is buried past the running boards. “Well, were here!” I get a simple eye roll in response. It took seven hours to drive the 190 miles.
It took about 30 minutes to dig the truck out of the drift with a tractor, which included tearing off the air dam with a drift that was hard enough to walk on. Oh well, who needs one of those anyway. Laura, Mason, Grandpa and I ended up being stranded for four days buried in 14 inches of snow which blew into 8 to 12 foot drifts. Laura got a phone call from her sister saying that they had lost power. I am sooo glad we did not stop there. Needless to say, Laura’s parents did not have their family Christmas until the next week since no one could get to their house. Grrr, we should have just stayed home.
Below are some pictures of the storm aftermath:
