Well, it is six in the morning and I’m laying here in bed wide awake. I think I will put together a to-do list for today. That way, I can maximize my activities and make sure I get everything done.
1. Get out of bed at six am. Quietly sneak down stairs and find the Oreo cookies. This will make an excellent breakfast along with a juice box I can now reach in the refrigerator.
2. Sit in Dad’s easy chair and smear Oreo cookie cream all over…because it’s fun and quite messy. Return cookie package back where I found it.
3. After breakfast, locate ink pen which I have hidden inside the foam dog bed. This is the best spot to hide things because Mom and Dad have not figured out where I have been hiding all the pens and pencils I steal off the desk.
4. Write on walls with blue ink and return pen to hiding spot.
5. At ten minutes to seven, sneak back upstairs. Walk into Mom and Dad’s room. Work up some tears and start crying for no good reason other than to get Mom’s attention.
6. After Mom gets up, lead her down stairs to the kitchen, point to the cereal I want to eat and continuously say juice, over and over again until Mom gets some out of the fridge.
7. Lead Mom to the living room to turn on the TV so I can watch Curious George which comes on at seven.
8. Stare at the TV for thirty minutes…
9. After Curious George, walk around the house whining and fake crying for two and a half hours until Mom gets sick and tired of it and gives me a snack.
10. After ten minutes of snacking, start screaming and crying to get let down from the highchair. When Mom ignores me, throw the rest of my banana across the room.
11. After Mom lets me out of the highchair, empty the toy box and begin scattering toys throughout the house.
12. When bored of previous activity, go into the bathroom and un-roll all the toilet paper and tear it in to many, many…many pieces.
13. Quickly leave bathroom and deny everything when I hear Mom ask “Mason, what are you doing?”
14. Chase Tootsie and Hyde around the house with my John Deere toy lawnmower until Tootsie turns and snaps at me.
15. Cry to Mom yelling owie, owie, owie pointing to my arm and laugh when Mom yells at Tootsie.
16. Eleven o’clock, start begging for lunch.
17. Continue begging for lunch.
18. Get on dining room table for attention.
19. Continue begging for lunch.
20. Noon, lunch time.
21. When finished with lunch, smear some of what I didn’t eat in my hair and throw the rest on the floor.
22. Cry and throw myself on the floor when Mom says that I need a bath (knowing what I had done in the bathroom earlier).
23. When Mom questions why there is a pile of shreaded toilet paper on the floor of the bathroom, distract her by showing her the bathtub…”Ta-daaaa”.
24. After my bath, play a game with Mom I call “make mom all over the house chasing a naked two year old”
25. Chase Tootsie around the house again, only this time with my Tonka truck until Tootsie turns and snaps at me.
26. Cry to Mom yelling owie, owie, owie pointing to my arm and laugh when Mom yells at Tootsie, again.
27. Sit in timeout for torturing the dog.
28. Pout for half an hour for having to sit in timeout.
29. Go back to scattering toys throughout the house for the rest of the afternoon.
30. When Dad gets home from work, lead him around the house introducing him to every room…”ta-daa”…”see”…”ta-daa”…”look, a chair!!” (with the exception of the living room due to the Oreo cookies smeared in his chair)
31. Beg and cry to go play outside.
32. Cry, standing outside, just out of reach of Dad when he says that it is time to go in for supper.
33. Eat supper and throw everything I don’t eat on the floor.
34. Cry after Dad says not to do that.
35. Make a lot of noise after supper making it impossible for Mom and Dad to watch TV.
36. Throw a fit when Mom says it’s time for bed.
37. Stall as long as I can by grabbing every book within reach and ask either, Mom or Dad, to read to me.
38. Stall some more by playing the ‘nite-nite game with Mom. ‘nite-nite mom’ – ’nite-nite Mason’ – ‘nite-nite mom’ – ‘nite-nite Mason’…etc. (since I know Mom has to have the last word)
39. Congratulate myself on a full, productive day and go to sleep.
