We live in a house that was built in 1900. Needless to say it is far from rodent proof. Every year, when the weather starts turning cold, I can hear mice start crawling through the walls and in the attic. Since we have inside pets and Mason running around, I do not put mouse poison out for obvious reasons. I bought some pinch traps that essentially have a door that swings up trapping the mouse but not killing it. Occasionally, Hyde or Tootsie (our two miniature pinchers) will catch a mouse and leave it in the middle of the floor. As if to say, “hey, look what I found”. That was okay until I stepped on a dead, slobbery mouse with my bare feet.
A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for work brushing my teeth in the bathroom when I felt something go across my bare feet. I look down just in time to see a fat little mouse run under the washing machine. He turned out to be quite an adversary. I set out some traps but did not have much success since Mason likes to "help" by setting them off. That little mouse even eluded both dogs. On more than one occasion, I would see Hyde and Tootsie both sitting in front of the deep freeze in the kitchen just staring at the floor. That was my clue where that a fat little mouse was hiding. More traps were set out but the only thing I caught was Mason’s index finger.
Laura has a dresser in the dining room where she stores all her fabric for when she sews. Several weeks went by and she mentioned that there was a mouse starting to build a nest in her dresser. Obviously that needed to be dealt with. I set a trap in secret so Mason would not trip it. The next morning, I was shocked, there was a fat little mouse stuck in the trap. I was proud and a little ashamed at the same time. Proud that I finally caught the dumb thing, but ashamed that it out smarted me for several weeks first. I mean, humans are supposed to smarter than most rodents, right?
I decided to take the trap outside and let it go. Hyde, Tootsie and our outside dog Buddy, are like my shadows. They followed me all the way to the farthest part of the yard and waited for me to let it out. As soon as that mouse hit the ground and saw those dogs waiting, I swore I heard it yell “OH SH$%!!” At that point it headed toward the tallest thing it could climb to get away from the dogs. That tower happened to be my right leg. This mouse is zigging and zagging trying to get to my leg while I am dancing around trying to keep this mouse from scrambling up my pant leg and concurrently trying not to step on the three dogs at my feet lunging at this mouse. Finally it was over…I thought.
Hyde was the one to finally nab it. I can only imagine that the mouse was not too pleased about the current situation and probably bit Hyde on the tongue ‘cause Hyde yipped and let it go. Unfortunately, he did not kill the mouse and a few more dance steps later, Tootsie pounced on it. Okay, this time I am sure that Tootsie killed it, but no, here comes Buddy. Since Buddy is a Blue Heeler, he is much bigger than Tootsie and simply bowled her over. When the mouse hit the ground it got right up and started running across the yard. Crap, not toward the house! Luckily the mouse had a lot of ground to cover and after Tootsie got done biting Buddy for his transgression, she snatched the mouse back up.
Being proud of her new catch, she sprinted straight back to the house. I could see the mouse’s tail flailing franticly so I knew it was not dead. I sprint across the yard yelling TOOTSIE, NO…TOOTSIE, NOOOO!! Ignoring my commands, she reaches the back door and starts scratching to be let back in. I scream “DON’T OPEN THE DOOR”. Well, what Mason heard was “open the door” which is exactly what he did. In goes Tootsie and the mouse. By the time I got to the house, Tootsie no longer had the mouse and it was nowhere to be found. Huh, that did not work out so well.
I am guessing that I will never catch that mouse in one of those pinch traps again. The hunt is back on…
Tags: Mouse
Lately, it does not really matter what the piece of furniture is, if it’s tall, Mason just has to climb it. It allows him access to a whole new world, like the candy drawer, the milk in the fridge, or the movies on top of the entertainment center. I guess I should not really be surprised, I was a master climber as a child as well, the difference is I am not afraid of heights.
A story about me as a child that comes up every once in a while is about the time I climbed to the top of our upright piano. I don’t remember how old I was but it had to be about Mason’s age. The piano was in the basement and was just too tempting for me. I had to see what was on top of it. Unfortunately, I was too short to simply climb up. I had to make myself a small tower out of various toys scattered throughout the basement. After getting everything stacked just right, I climbed up. Murphy’s law was in full effect that day as the tower went crashing to the ground leaving me stranded on top of the piano. Of course, the commotion attracted the attention of my mother who went down stairs to see me proudly sitting on top of the piano.
Mason has decided to follow somewhat in my footsteps, only he has added his own unique styling. The other day I was laying on the floor playing with Mason. I was in front of my chair and covered myself with a blanket. Mason would run over and jump on me and I would throw the blanket on top of him. He was having a great time then decided to step it up a little. I reset by covering up with the blanket. I laid there for what seemed like forever, then, out of nowhere, a sharp, shooting pain shot up my leg. My thigh immediately cramped giving me quite a charlie horse. As I am rolling around on the floor under the blanket wondering what the heck just happened, I hear both Mason and Laura laughing.
Apparently, Mason had climbed onto my chair and jumped off onto me. Through the bursts of laughter, Laura explained that when he jumped, he lead with his knees and landed squarely in the middle of my thigh! OW!!
While I may have been a master climber, I do not remember jumping off stuff. Mason on the other hand will climb to the top of almost everything in the house and take a leap. I fear that we will shortly have our first trip to the emergency room. It’s only a matter of time.
Tags: Mason
At some point, and I am not entirely sure when it happened, I seem to have become Mason’s stooge. I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised; it was only a matter of time before Mason figured out that I am clumsy and uncoordinated. There are not too many people that can trip walking up the stairs. What did catch me off guard, however, was how I found out about it.
Laura likes to take short sabbaticals down to her parents and has to take Mason as it usually becomes a multi-day trip. Generally, she chooses significant events like holidays, birthdays, tomorrow is Wednesday…you know, the important things in life. I typically stay home since I have to go to work during the days that she is gone. It is kind of risky for her to leave me to my own devices though. It just opens the door for me to do something that she may not feel was ‘the wisest decision’. For example, negotiating the acquisition of a 1950 Chevy 6400 2 ton truck 
or doing some yard work and killing weeds, I mean “flowers”.
The last time she went to see her folks, Mason was playing in the living room and all the adults were sitting around talking. Mason decided to pull a trick on Laura’s sister (the details are a little fuzzy). Anyway, he had an escape route planned which apparently consisted of running across the living room, around the corner and then into the kitchen. Mason was able to come up to speed in the living room but couldn’t keep it together in the turn. Laughter erupted from everyone in the living room as Mason crashed to the floor. He immediately stood up looking very proud of himself and said “funny like daddy”.
Sigh…at least he had an audience, her family. I’m sure I will be asked if I’ve “had any good falls lately”.
Sometimes…on occasion…okay, frequently, I tend to be a little reckless when working on my projects. The latest is a 1950 Chevy 6400 2 ton truck. I am currently working to get the engine and transmission removed. Getting bolts loosened that were last assembled some 60 years ago can sometime require a little ‘persuasion’. And by little I mean a big wrench and a five pound mini sledge hammer. The space constraints sometimes make it impossible to accurately swing the hammer. What usually happens is I end up glancing the hammer off something and smashing it into my hand. After a short song and dance and watching the goose egg grow across several knuckles, I try again. By that time, Mason has heard the commotion and has come over to see what is going on. The second time I swing the hammer, I inevitably miss again and hit the exact same spot. After regaining consciousness, I start my song and dance routine again. Of course, Mason has to join in. Sometimes I feel like he is just mocking me dancing around the yard yelling “owwwiiieee, owwwiiieee, owwwiiieee”. But no, he is just practicing.
Occasionally, when playing with his trucks, Mason will smash his finger. When that happens he has to go show mom. She is always good for a laugh. When he presents her with his hurt finger and his embellished song and dance, she of course laughs at him. Admittedly, it is quite funny. However, the show is usually followed by “see, funny like daddy”.
Sigh…
Okay, so there are some things in life that I feel absolutely necessary to teach Mason. Sometimes those things are not so much for his growth and development, but rather more for my comic relief. This is another one of those things that Laura scolds me for every time it happens, but I know she finds it funny when it happens to someone else. She finds it particularly funny when something I teach Mason boomerangs back on me.
I have been tortured by the Austin Powers movies over the years as everyone thinks its soooo funny to call me Austin Powers. My usual response, “ha…ha…wow you’re witty. I’ve not heard that one before. I do have one power and it’s called ‘kicking your @ss!’” Alright, so while it does not bother me that much ‘cause the movies aren’t that bad, it is still an annoyance factor. The one part of all the movies that I took away was the Judo chop. I have adopted a slight variation of the movie Judo chop to better articulate the comedy. I will sneak up behind Laura, bring my arm way back and release a very loud “JUDOOOOOO CHOP” as I gently, but firmly chop Laura’s shoulder. She usually fakes an injury, but I know better. Occasionally, I am able to strike with a very rare double Judo chop. However, those have to be a chop and run as Laura will retaliate with a gentle, but firm chop of her own. I was caught unaware the first time, but have since learned to duck.
I decided to get Mason in on the fun one day by very gently giving a ‘JUDOOOOO CHOP’. He squealed with excitement and went running into the other room. When he came back, he runs up and returns the Judo chop to my thigh…then my shin…then my knee shouting “CHOP” for each successive strike. After working with him a little bit, he walked up to Laura and yelled “CHOP” and hit her right in the back of the knee. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t run away as she Judo chopped me several times for teaching Mason such a bad habit.
Laura decided to exact her revenge later that evening though. I was lying on the living room floor playing with Mason when Laura called him to the kitchen. He was gone for only a short time, but came running back into the room and did a flying Judo Chop yelling “CHOP” striking me directly in the throat! What a shock that was. I started coughing and rolling around from the recent blow to my trachea and I could hear Laura laughing very hard in the kitchen. Ohh, so that’s how it’s going to be. Just you wait…
As Mason continues to develop his Judo chop skills, he has added his own unique slant to this completely useless activity. As I sit quietly in my chair the other evening inspecting the inside of eyelids for cracks, I was abruptly interrupted by Mason running into the room screaming “HIIEEEEEEEEE YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH” and driving the side of his hand into my stomach. Apparently, the sneak attack is the best way to achieve total shock…and a sudden need to pee. Laura of course just laughed and said I would have seen it coming had I not been napping. I kindly explained that it was a quality control inspection, but I really do not think she bought into that.
As Mason continues to show Laura his new talent while I am at work, she is sure to remind me that the whole Judo Chop phase is completely my fault. My only response is “it was sooo worth it!”
Hey Monkey, it’s Sheriff Woody
Hey Woody, down here…
What’cha doin’ on the floor Monkey
I got pitched off last night thanks to you. I was innocently laying there with Mason drooling on my leg when you tickled him. When he woke up, he accused me, his favorite Monkey, and promptly threw me off the bed!
Ohh, that’s too bad. It must hurt a little to know that I, Sheriff Woody
You’re his favorite!?! Ha!! That is laughable. Who has been thrown out the car window while his mother was driving down the road? It wasn’t me.
Uhh, he has thrown us both out the window, buddy. The only difference is I’ve never heard him cry when YOU get thrown out the window, only me. I am the Sheriff and am the most important thing in Mason’s life.
I think you have been thrown down the stairs too many times. Perhaps all those blows to the head have damaged your memory. You are delusional. Your hollow plastic head is apparently having problems processing rational information. I am soft and cuddly. Who couldn’t love a monkey? NO ONE THAT’S WHO!!
Delusional!?! Who spent most of the night on the floor? Not me.
Why don’t you come down here and say that you sorry excuse for a Sheriff and I will show you the true meaning of “FISTS OF FURY”!
That’s big talk coming from a stuffed monkey who’s biggest achievement was being thrown in a mud puddle. I am in three, count them, THREE movies: Toy Story
Who cares about that? Come down here and I’ll wrap that pull cord around your neck!!
THAT’S IT! I’ve heard enough. I’m gonna put you in timeout, permanently!
Good luck! When I get my hands on you I’m going to wipe the painted smirk off your face!
Oh yeah, I’m gonna pop out those plastic beads you try to pass off as eyes!
HEY!! Mason, what are you doing!? Put us down, we are working it out! I cannot believe he put us BOTH in timeout… I was just about to give you a lesson, Karate Kid
Tell it to the hand…
Tags: Mason, Monkey, Sheriff Woody
